What to Get Your Family this Holiday Season
The holiday season is coming up and many stores are already selling Thanksgiving and Christmas items. I bet you have already seen this and it has you thinking about what you will get your friends and family as gifts this year.
The average American planned to spend $850 on gifts last year. This year, many will likely spend more. I believe that there are better uses for your time and money that will give you and your family more satisfaction and not break the bank.
Your Expectations
As you approach the holidays, you are probably watching your favorite Instagramers, YouTubers, and other influencers to get an idea of what to buy and where. You believe that these people have inside knowledge that you don’t. And you think that they are trustworthy or they wouldn’t be famous or popular.
Additionally, many of the gifts you plan to give are flashy items that you think will make the recipient happy. Your family members have talked about these items for months and cannot wait to have them. They are the hot items of the holiday shopping season and everybody else wants them too. Because everyone wants them, you know that they are must-haves that will make a difference.
The Reality
Truth be told, most influencers make their money by advertising other company’s products. This means that they don’t always have your best interests in mind when they select items to showcase. They want you to spend more so they make more. If you take a look at the channels of many influencers, you’ll find that many of the items are the same or very similar. This is because they usually select the most lucrative products to show. These are the items that give them the highest returns and are the most popular.
Also, happiness from materialism is short-lived. You may have experienced this when you’ve received a gift from someone else. Or when you’ve bought a new outfit or piece of tech. The truth is that most things bought with money are not well-appreciated because they can be bought by anyone. They are not unique or special. And when the newness wears off, they are just objects eating up space.
The Corporate Sales Culture
Companies advertise that their products are a currency of love. That by buying a certain item for a gift, you will gain some form of love from the recipient. Whether that is romantic love, familial love, or friendship. But love cannot be bought. Emotions can be bought; feelings can be bought; but love must be earned.
A Mercedes may make your wife extremely happy for a week or a month, but it won’t save your marriage in three years when your relationship hits a snag. And the new video game system will not make your son listen to you any more than he did before.
Furthermore, the big sales that companies run are not even sales at all. They are hype events geared at selling a lifestyle. These include the Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and others. Companies spend tons of money to advertise the sales. They want a lot of people to go. And they want you to feel wrong if you don’t. But companies lean on the fact that they change their prices regularly in order to confuse shoppers about what exactly is a good deal and what just looks like one. They also want you to go in for one item that is on sale and walk out with ten other items at full price.
What to Do Instead
1. Ditch the Buy It mentality
This year I am buying my family each $25 gift cards. American society has made us believe that gift cards are impersonal gifts. But I’ve found that gift cards let my recipients buy what matters to them when they want it. On the other hand, clothes, toys, candy, and the other gifts I’ve given in the past come and go and are forgotten soon after the holidays. But more than the gift cards, I will give them each a custom letter of my appreciation and love for them. And I will give them more time with me, a loving member of their family.
You do not have to buy your family or friends anything. Simply spend time with them and make it count. If you make an investment of time and love into your family, then you will get that investment back many times over later on.
2. Rethink when and how you buy
If you are going to buy gifts, do not buy during the holiday sales. Buy as soon as the holidays are over for the next year. And shop periodically throughout the year and between sales to find good items for cheap or on clearance. You will find that you can get most of the same items for much less. This will give you more money to save toward things you want, like a home, retirement, investments, vacations, or the like. Try this, and I think you will be amazed how much money you can save.
3. Avoid using debt or store credit cards
Many people use credit cards when they buy gifts, or they open up store cards in order to get one-time or periodic discounts on their purchases. Do not do this. While companies can leverage debt to make money, consumer debt is structured so that individuals always lose. You can find my husband’s article on credit and debt here.
Another common practice is to count on the tax return coming in the early part of the next year to justify spending in the current year. But this is a poor choice because it eats up future income on present purchases. This sort of impulse spending on credit is exactly what keeps people from having wealth later in life.
4. Stop looking at spending in terms of dollars
You most likely make money by working hard. It may be one job or two and your spouse may work or may not. But, your hours of hard work translate to money. You should start thinking about your spending this way.
If you make $15 an hour and you buy a $30 shirt, you just worked two hours for that shirt. Similarly, if you buy a $300 game system for your kid, you worked 20 hours (half a week!) to purchase it. This is a rough estimate you can easily use, but if you account for taxes the reality is probably worse.
5. Focus on your family
Your family and close friends are more important than anything else. We get so caught up with trying to impress with lavish spending during the holidays. But we usually just cause ourselves excess stress and cause problems for ourselves later.
Do not overwork during the holidays just so that you can afford to buy gifts. If you aren’t there for your family, they could be struggling with depression, drugs, bullying, etc. and you may not even know. Your spouse or kids could commit suicide or get deathly ill and you may not be there to prevent it or help them. You may also lose your marriage because you aren’t nurturing it. Or you could lose the respect of your kids because you aren’t there for the events that are important to them.
6. Focus on yourself
This could probably be #1, but I want you to remember this one the most so I’ve left it at the end. You cannot take care of others if you cannot take care of yourself. Put yourself first and your family a close second.
Excessive spending can cause financial issues later that can cause duress in other parts of your life. It can lead to broken marriages, lost jobs, long-term damage to your credit, or other major life regrets. When you are about to spend money on gifts, think first about what you can afford. Do you have your basic needs covered? Do you have debt you could pay off? Bills due? Pay yourself before you buy gifts for others.
The stress of working long hours, being short on money, spending on debt, and not getting the appreciation expected for the gifts given causes many people to get into a cycle of being overwhelmed. Over the long term, being materialistic and spending money uselessly causes people to become bitter. They begin to dislike life and the holidays eventually become a time of stress and expectations instead of a time of family love, peace, and joy. Do not let yourself become bitter and stressed. Learn to put yourself first and enjoy life first, so that you can pass that passion onto others around you.
What Should I Do?
This year go help your sister or brother with their children. Go ask your best friend how their marriage is. Go spend a week with your parents. Plan a cookout with your family. Take a family photo. Reach out to the cousins you haven’t seen in years.
Show and tell your family how you love them and how grateful you are for them. Let them know your plans and goals. Engage in personal, meaningful conversations with them about things that matter to each of you. Take the time to build and nourish your relationships and later they will be there to build and nourish you when you need them.
Life is hard, but many of our hardships are self-created. Do not make your life harder than it needs to be. Look beyond the short-term thinking that society wants you to embrace and focus on long-lasting and fulfilling options for how to spend your time and money this holiday season.
